RESPECTING CONSENT

Knowing How to Respect the “No.”

When we ask for someone’s sexual consent, they are free to decline the offer by saying no. “No” can be communicated verbally, through body language, or by choosing not to respond at all. It’s important to note that the gold standard for sexual consent is always verbally communicated through an enthusiastic “YES”.

If you’re engaging in sexual activity with someone and are unsure if you have received consent, or unsure if your partner is comfortable being intimate with you #ask:

  • “Hey, are you sure you’re comfortable with this?” Or,

  • “We don’t have to do this now if you’re uncomfortable or not ready.”

If you receive a “No” when asking for consent, it’s okay to feel disappointed, but we must respect our partner’s answer and stop all sexual activity. Responding to a “No” by continuing to ask for sex until your partner gives in, or by using threats or force is sexual assault and a serious crime.

Being a respectful partner by asking for, and listening for the consensual “yes” in our sexual relationships is not only how to demonstrate we are good sexual partners, it’s legally necessary. Our relationship status doesn’t entitle us to sex.

Whether you’re married, dating, or just hooking up, the conversation about consent should occur before and during every sexual encounter.

The conversation might seem awkward at first, but hey, sex can also be pretty awkward too! It’s helpful to remember we practise consent in our everyday lives, whether it’s asking someone before posting a photo online, or sharing someone’s contact information to another person. Respecting our partner’s sexual consent and their boundaries ensures we can “get it on” in an environment where everyone feels safe, heard, and comfortable.

Always remember to check in with your partner to ensure they are comfortable and enjoying themselves every step of the way. Just because consent is given for one sexual act does not mean the person has consented to everything that happens after that.

You can ensure you have ongoing consent by…

  • Asking if they are still comfortable

  • Respecting if they want to stop the activity or try something else

The Absence of an Enthusiastic “YES” = “NO”

#ASKFORIT: Hey, I am unsure if you are comfortable with doing this. Is this okay? It’s okay with me if you want to stop.

Consent Check-in examples:

  • I want to kiss you, are you okay with that?

  • Are you comfortable if we take our clothes off?

  • Is it okay if I touch you on your *insert body part* ?

  • Do you want to go back to just kissing?

  • What are you comfortable with?

  • Do you want to have sex with me?

  • Is this still okay?

  • Do you want to keep going?

Here are some examples of how to continuously ask for consent while engaging in sexual activity with your partner.

A good sign of a consensual sexual relationship is that you don’t feel pressured to do things that you aren’t comfortable doing.

An ethical sexual partner listens for consent ques & NEVER pressures someone to engage in sexual activity.

Examples of NO Consent

Verbal cues(using words) we DO NOT have consent:

  • I’m not sure

  • Maybe…?

  • That hurts

  • Umm

  • I love you, but….

  • I’m not ready

  • Changing the conversation

Non-verbal cues (using body language) we DO NOT have consent:

  • Silence

  • Avoiding touch

  • Moving away

  • Shaking head “no” (side to side left and right)

  • Turning body away from someone

  • Crying

  • Looking sad, fearful, or blank

  • Becoming motionless

Consent should be a meaningful and collaborative decision between partners to engage in sexual activity.

Being an ethical sexual partner requires more than just obtaining one partner’s agreement in response your sexual request.

Consent is dialogue and collaboration to determine if, or how sexual activity will take place.

Signs of being a good sexual partner mean looking for, listening to, and respecting signs of “no”, not just the signs of “yes”.

The absence of a “YES” = “NO”. To continue with sexual activity is sexual assault and a serious crime.